Sunday, October 14, 2012

Advice for the 1st Time Lady Hunter

Last night I went hunting with my husband and for all of you who just had to re-read that, no I was not hunting, he was and I tagged along. You see years ago we went bear hunting together and within the first 30 minutes we saw a big bear come out, so apparently I am good luck. Or something.

Ladies if you have never been deer hunting or any other kind of hunting with your hubs here are a few words of advice.

1) Your husband will try to make you shower with some no-scent soap before going, but hold your ground. If he can spray artificial deer piss everywhere, the Pantene ProV you washed your hair with 9 hours ago should not make a difference. (Confession… I didn’t actually see him spray the deer pee, but I saw people do it once on a hunting show and my stance remains the same.)

2) It is not appropriate to assemble, pack, and bring along an assortment cheese and crackers.

3) Squirrels rustling in the forest sound like 800 pound bears and make sounds that will scare the cameo paint right off your face, don’t be alarmed.

4) Practicing your "LOOK!” complete with elbow jerk is HIGHLY discouraged.

5) It will get cold, so when he says to put on another layer, do so.

6) Make sure your phone is on silent, or better yet, just leave it in the car because checking face book is also looked down upon.

7) You will wonder how he manages to stay awake staring at nothing for three hours in his tree stand, yet falls asleep during the first 15 minutes of every movie, but don’t ask about it.

8) Pee before you leave the house, even if you don’t have to, try!

9) Any time after 5:45p is considered ‘prime time’, for what exactly I never found out.

10) Not many husbands want to take their wives hunting and not many wives would actually go; so if he asks, go with him, it really is a great experience and well spent time with your hubs.

For the record, we heard what sounded like deer but never saw one come out. Maybe next time we will have better luck.


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