Saturday, April 30, 2011

What is That?!

So I am going to come clean as to where I have been the last couple of weeks. I wish I would be confessing the GPS coordinates of a top secret tropical island or that I could type that I hit the Powerball and have been shopping my life away, but I haven’t. For the last three weeks, I have been on a roller coaster ride I hope none of you ever have to pay admission for.

Some of you already know what I am going to type, you found our through me or from someone who thought it was their story to tell, some of you will be reading the details for the first time, I am sorry that I didn’t call you and tell you myself, but the thought making more than three calls having to tell this story over and over and tell you ‘I don’t know’ to all your questions, was and is too much to bear. So here I go.

Three weeks ago I made an appointment with my Dr. to discuss some pain I have been experiencing in my left knee. Back in high school I had two knee surgeries to remove loose bodies, so naturally I internally concluded this was the same issue, I would need a simple day surgery to have them removed, I would be out of commission for a couple days, and that would be it. My Dr. seemed to agree and referred me to the same Orthopedic Dr who performed my last two surgeries. The following week I had an appointment with the Orthopedic who reviewed my chart, felt around my knee cap, asked about my pain, which I described as a dull pain I would feel behind my knee cap when climbing stairs, sometimes when I walked, and definitely when I was shaking my groove thing with Miss. E in the living room.

He too had pretty much reached the same conclusion I had, but sent me for an x-ray just the same. So I moseyed on over to the next room and had some x-rays done. Went back into his room to review them (I have to chime in here and just comment on how awesome that is, instant x-rays!). So we sat there together and looked at the x-rays on the monitor. He kept zooming in on what looked like a ‘whiter’ spot on my bone. I asked ‘”what’s that?” to which he responded “I don’t know, but I am going to send you for an MRI so we can find out.” Still no reason to pull the alarm, so we scheduled the MRI for that Friday and scheduled a follow up to go over the MRI for the following week.

So the following week comes and next thing I know it’s time for my follow up appointment. I get out of bed the same way I do everyday, get ready, drop E off at daycare, my car breaks down in the driveway at daycare, I catch a ride in town with one of the Mom’s from daycare, and I am sitting at the Dr.’s office waiting for them to call my name. I sit there mad at my car, cursing my decision to wear shirt I put on, wondering whether or not I took the chicken out of the freezer before I left, how am I going to get home, and then they call my name.

I enter the same little room I was in before and the same Dr. comes in, looks at me and goes “why are you here”, haha not really, but I tell him and he logs on the computer and brings up my MRI. I am sitting beside the computer monitor and am trying to look at the screen out of the corner of my eye. Now, I am no bone doctor, but what I saw on that screen I knew… was not right and by the way he scratched his head and kept clicking on the screen, I knew the thought the same thing.

So I asked what any of you would have asked, ‘what is that?!’ what he responded with ripped the stomach out of my body and smacked me upside the face with a 2”X6”. “You have a tumor in your femur bone.” He went on to talk about the location of the tumor in my bone, biopsy, and then he used the “C” word... it's all fun and games until someone pulls out the "C" word. No, not that “C” word, jesh, you kiss your Momma with that mouth!! Cancer.

Just like that, done, D.O.N.E.. I was done. Checked out, bill please… Just like that, my world changed forever - cancer. In that split second I couldn’t have told you what I had on, what kind of car I drove (or didn’t drive) and if you asked me about supper I would have just stared at you totally blank. Cancer.

After I came back to, I heard the Dr. say that he was going to refer me to another Orthopedic in his office for a second opinion because to be quite frank, he said he hasn’t seem many of these. Gave me my papers and I walked out of the office. (yes, I made arrangements to get back to work and thankfully my Mom drove me home after work.)

I said this earlier, I am no Dr. but if I was, after telling a patient they have a tumor in their bone, I would immediately contact their internet service provider and insist on their internet connection be terminated until a proper diagnosis has been made. In a time like that, google + finger tips = the devil!

I had an appointment with the second Orthopedic who went over the MRI with me and gave me some more information. He did point out that the tumor had a nice black ‘wall’ around it, which indicated that it was slow growing and that cancerous tumors typically have ‘tentacles’ that reach out. Mine didn’t have any of that - phew! After seeing the MRI for the second time on the screen, it sort of erased any of the denial I had been experiencing in the days before. Your mind plays crazy games on you… maybe they got the MRI mixed up with someone else, cancer - that doesn’t happen to ME, only to someone’s step-mom’s cousin in Utah. I have a birthday party to plan in couple months, OMG my hair is going to fall out, I can't miss my daughter's wedding… seriously you can only imagine.

This past Tuesday I had a needle biopsy performed and after two painfully long days received the results of my biopsy. I am so happy to type I do NOT have cancer. My eyes fill with tears of joy and despair of what it could have been. This one hit way too close to home. Now I am still not out of the woods yet, I have another follow up appointment this week to see what my options are, I have already been warned that one of the options is major surgery that could put me out for 6-8 months, which will stink. But you know what, ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING will be better than what it could have been.

Side Note: I really debated whether or not to type about this on my blog (of all places), but I wanted to set the record straight and update you on what is going on in my life. Maybe you have had something similar happen to you or someone you know, maybe you can e-mail me and we can chat about it. The older I get, I am finding out that I am never alone, someone is/has/or will go through similar things I experience, maybe this is one of them. This is not going away overnight, so I will warn you now that you may see some more posts about this. In the mean time, go live your life, hug your baby a little tighter, tell you husband/wife that you love them, call your grandparents and tell them what you did this week (they would love it), take 10 minutes out of TODAY and do something you WANT to do. Life is too short to do anything else.


  1. thank you for sharing this

  2. Well, Amy, ... These things happen to humans. As a member of that crowd, we have to come to terms that things like this can happen to us just as much as it can happen to the next person in the grocery store line. I was relieved, as I continued reading your post, to find out that you do not have cancer. I am sure it put you into "float" mode - that state where you know what you have to do that day but you are floating through it with a veil that separated you from life as you knew it before finding out your predicament. If only we could be better at remembering vividly, on a daily basis, what is really important to us and focusing on that instead. I will keep my fingers crossed and pray for you.
    This all, though, leaves me, still, with one unanswered question: "What are you looking forward too?" Carolina


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